Are you listening……?
Like everyone else, the Brainready team often gets accused of not listening. It’s not
that we don’t try; we just have so many thoughts running through our head and
can’t focus on everything.
So how can we all avoid distractions, get rid of the brain fog and
stop getting lost in our own thoughts?
Attentive
listening is not only a skill, but also a process that can actually help focus
your thoughts and stop your mind wandering.
Like your parents used to say –
“pay attention’.
Attention is the cognitive process of selectively concentrating on one aspect of the environment while
ignoring other things.
The goal of attentive listening is
to improve your understanding by focusing on what’s really been said and what
they mean. It’s important to listen completely and understand the real meaning
first, before reacting. In addition,
attentive listeners have relational goals like giving a positive impression,
advancing the relationship, or demonstrating care.
Of course this is nothing new. I
was amazed to find out that as far back as 1890, William James, in his book Principles of Psychology, remarked:
“Everyone knows what attention is.
It is the taking possession by the mind, in clear and vivid form, of one out of
what seem several simultaneously possible objects or trains of thought.
Focalization and concentration of consciousness are of its essence. It implies
withdrawal from some things in order to deal effectively with others, and in a
condition which has a real opposite in the confused, dazed, scatterbrained
state which in French is called distraction, and Zerstreutheit in German.”
Attention remains a major area of
investigation within education, psychology and neuroscience. Many of the major debates of James' time remain unresolved. For
example, although most scientists accept that attention can be split, strong
proof has remained elusive. And there is still no widely accepted definition of
attention more concrete than that given in the James quote above. This lack of
progress has led many observers to speculate that attention refers to many
separate processes without a common mechanism.
So listening is actually an active behaviour rather
than a passive one. Be in the present. Work hard at focusing
on what’s being said, then digest the information.
Don’t multi-task if you are supposed
to be listening. You wind up listening to only part of what someone says, or
pretending to listen while you think about something else. You also sacrifice
important non-verbal clues and information about their underlying meaning.
Wait until they finish making their
points before you speak. Don't interrupt, even to agree with them, and don't
jump in with your own suggestions before they explain what they have already done,
plan to do, or have thought about doing. This includes being aware enough to
stop yourself from doing any of the following:-
-
Making critical
or judgmental faces or sounds.
-
Trying to
"fix" their problem with a quick suggestion.
-
Interrogating
them to make them answer a question you have about their situation.
-
Trying to cheer
them up or tell them things aren't so bad.
-
Criticizing them
for getting into their situation.
-
Telling them
what you would do or have done in the past.
If you don't understand or aren't
sure about a point they are trying to make, repeat a brief portion of the part
you didn't understand and ask them to tell you more about it to help you
understand better.
I think you’ll be amazed at the
difference your mind has in processing information if you make the effort to
listen in an attentive manner in the first place.
Of course it takes a massive effort
to concentrate for the time period you are listening. Don’t believe me? Let’s
do a simple test to see how long you can focus your attention. I want you to
look at the second hand on a clock, or the seconds on your digital watch. Now
focus all your thoughts on the movement of that second hand. Don’t daydream. Whenever
a thought interferes with your concentration, go back to your starting point
and start again.
It’s not as easy as you might think.
If you can do thirty seconds that’s a great start, but way short of what should
be your target goal. The more you do it though it will help your ability to
keep your mind completely focused by concentrating on one thing. Do this
exercise every morning and you’ll find it gets easier with practice.
A great example of high levels of
focused concentration is in the movie “For the Love of the Game”. It may not be
a classic, although I loved it. Kevin Costner plays a veteran baseball pitcher
and uses a phrase “clear the mechanism” to allow him to fully focus and clear
all noise and distractions from his mind before a pitch. Maybe we could have
our own phrase to trigger the thought process??
Another way of doing this might be to
set aside some time later in the day where we can focus on the issues that are
worrying us or dominating our thoughts. By telling yourself that you’ll devote
30 minutes, say after dinner, to give time to those things that have been
interrupting your concentration. Factor this in as a daily process and your
mind will soon realize that it can take time to mull these issues over later –
just make sure you keep to your schedule (unfortunately you can’t delude
yourself).
Whether it’s the key phrase or
scheduling a later time that works for you, introduce some process that helps
you focus and be more attentive.
Naturally the Brainready team will
take on this advice, do the secondhand test everyday to improve our
concentration and develop a key phrase (maybe – Get my Brainready).
If you have any other exercises you’d
like to share, click on the comments link below.
P.S. For those of you who download
our podcasts, this skill will come in very handy. The next podcast will be
available in a few days and it will contain a different voice, with a different
accent, so be sure to practice your listening skills beforehand. And if you
haven’t downloaded an audio podcast before, this is the perfect time to get it
a go. Just email mark@brainready.com and he’ll guide you through the process.
